Tik Toker

when i start missing them but i realize they aren’t blocked on anything . they still have my number . we aren’t mutuals on anything but they could still choose to message me if they wanted to . they probably know how much i miss them . but they don’t care so i just have to pretend i don’t care either

i’m tired of being tired

some people miss you , but not enough to reach out . and that's the part that breaks you

i chose solitude thinking it would heal me . now all i feel is the weight of my own silence

all this anger was once love

the version of me i once loved is buried under all the versions i couldn't stop becoming

relapsing feels like coming home to something i hate

i wish you knew how often i missed you while pretending i didn’t

so many messages i wish i could just delete

try my best but nothing works out

recently i’ve been feeling empty or emotionless . i find myself drifting off in the middle of the day almost like i’m watching myself in third person . i keep chasing things and feelings in hopes that it can fill that “empty” void i have but i always end up feeling more empty . i can’t escape my escape . i’m starting to isolate myself from friends and even family , i find myself building walls around me to “protect” myself from getting hurt but i end up building myself a prison and i’m trapped with my own thoughts . i sleep too much or not enough and i’m always tired no matter how much i did sleep . i never live in the moment because part of me is still stuck in the past , replaying scenarios and changing the outcome of them . i feel like simple tasks are now becoming overwhelming like getting out of bed in the morning . it’s not always like this though , i have my good weeks and good days but it always circles back to this dreadful feeling .

i yearn for love yet can’t even love myself

you’ll always love me , right ?

we didn't realize we were making memories , we just knew we were having fun .

i don’t know who i am anymore

it’s not sleep anymore , it’s escaping

i build homes in people who never planned to stay

i isolate myself in my room trying to think myself into becoming a better person instead of actually trying to do it

i hope you don’t stop visiting me in my dreams because that’s all i have left of you

nothing lasts